yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
