well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
