We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
