getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
