After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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