I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
