normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
