Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
