and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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