I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
