Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
