I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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