I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
