6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
