You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
