FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
