I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
