nut hugger
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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