I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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