The maid of honor just puked.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
