Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
