It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
