Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
