Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
