5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
