I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
