I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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