I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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