I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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