I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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