You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My cat gives me a boner
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
