I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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