he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
