Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
