lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
