Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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