adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
