He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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