eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
