The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
