You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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