she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
