omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
