it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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