i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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