Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
