i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
