I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to make out with him forever
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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