Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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