I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
